Something something testing

The waiting room was a terrible place. It should just be called Purgatory.

Heh, maybe I should hang out with the Catholics instead.

Nah, they’d probably burn me at the stake.

Ratty old bench-couches. Out of date magazines that no one actually reads in dead tree format anymore. A TV stuck on some local news program that was going on about how your kitchen sponge will kill you. And all I had was my phone for company, so of course the battery ran low and I had to put it away. Couldn’t text Aditi, couldn’t call Mom.

God, I really, really missed my mom.

I couldn’t even trade insults with Grace, they’d taken her back not long after we got there. Thanks, magically uncrowded ER.

I was just trying to work up interest in Parenting Monthly when Abe and Suzannah walked in. Suzannah went straight to the nurse’s desk to find out about Grace, but Abe made a detour to see me.

He put his arms around me and I leaned into him. His smell was clean and fresh like he’d showered just a little while ago. The safety it spoke of made me want to cry, the sobs threatening to rise out of my chest.

“You look beautiful,” he said into my hair.

“Don’t say that. It’s all horrible.”

“We’ll talk as soon as we’ve looked in on Grace, okay?”

I shook my head as I pulled back. “No, you should spend tonight with your family.”

“I got a call from Dad on our way here. He was frantic, couldn’t find her. Your dad, too.”

“Yeah, we sort of left without telling them.”

Abe leveled a look at me. “We’re definitely going to talk about all of this. It sounds like quite a story.”

The story of how our relationship went down the tubes. I just nodded.

“Abe,” Suzannah called. He kissed me on the forehead and left with her.

Alone again.

A family in mismatching down jackets came in, their seven year old limp and sleepy. The mom checked him in while the dad got him settled on a couch. He was small enough to lie down on it with his head in his dad’s lap. The kid then decided to stare at me.

Maybe he thought I was a princess.

Me in my bedraggled dress with the falling-off sequins.

The next family just thought I was weird as shit.

The one after that thought I was the tramp who ruined their son and fucked up their daughters’ big night, and they were half right.

Brad had each girl by the hand. He shot me a dirty look and kept on walking, meeting Abe in the hall. They disappeared into the bowels of the ER.

I was halfway through an article about American Idol gossip when Suzannah and the two little girls returned. From her purse Suzannah produced a couple of blow-up pillows and a book and got Verity practicing her reading to Evie. Then she came over to me. “Janine.”

I looked up at her, afraid of what she would say.

She sat next to me and took my hand. “Thank you for taking care of Grace. It means the world to us.”

“Oh. You’re welcome.”

“Truly.” She squeezed my hand. “Whatever else happened tonight, know we’re grateful for this.”

My throat got tight. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

She smiled, patted my hand, and went to join her girls. Her gigantic tote bag included pajamas, and soon the three of them were cuddled up with another book.

I wished my mom were home.

Instead I got my dad.

He looked like he’d been walking among ghosts. When he came through the doors he stopped in the middle of the walkway and just looked around as though he’d entered a foreign land. The nurse had to say something three times to get his attention.

“Sir, can I help you?”

“I’m here for my daughter…”

“Dad, I’m right here,” I said, getting up and going over.

“Oh. Oh, Nina, thank God.” He drifted over to me. “We couldn’t find you and I thought something had happened…” Something worse, he meant to say. He moved to put his arms around me but I stepped back. The look on his face was heartbreaking. “Nina?”

“Dad, you went nuts.”

“I know, it was bad, I shouldn’t have pushed Brad.”

“Not that. The rest. This whole church thing. You went seriously nuts. I mean, this purity ball? It’s insane. It’s sexist and stupid and just bullshit.[ Sarah: This is great—-but why is it suddenly okay for her to go on about this now? Why couldn’t she do this before? Is she nervous? Is something giving her bravery she didn’t have before? Did this whole thing with grace change her whole acceptance thing and made her realize this purity pressure is actually dangerous? Give me motivation.] Look at what it’s turned you into. You got into a physical fight with a guy and fell into a pastor. You would never, ever have done that even six months ago.”

“Nina, you don’t understand. I did this for you–”

“No. Stop saying that. You did it for you. You did it because you were scared.” I could hear Schneck’s words in my head. They’re terrified of all of it. “You did it because you were worried about me, I get that. You’re always going to worry. You’ll always be my dad. But all this stuff about who I’m going to sleep with or not? That’s for me to figure out, not you. I’m sorry I embarrassed you. I’m sorry I fucked up this thing you love. But it’s done and it’s over with. I’m not going back to church. I’m going to do this my way.”

His face just came apart listening to me. He didn’t even try to argue. There was no hope left because he finally took me seriously.[ Sarah: No fight? No excuses? How come now he takes her seriously? Did he come to realize something in all of this? Did the fear of his daughter’s health when he found out she went to the hospital made him realize that her well being is more important than any church BS? Did he surprisingly feel a sense of pride seeing her stand up for herself at the ball? He did throw the first punch in her defense right? Maybe he realizes that the thing he most wants from her is for her to stand up for something and believe in herself—to treat herself with respect…he was just going about it the wrong way.]

And then he left.

My own father abandoned me at the hospital. He just walked away. The weird thing was, he didn’t go to the car, either. He just walked and kept walking.

I was definitely on my own for getting home. Why did it have to be this weekend that Mom was out of town?

Before I got around to that, I waited for everyone to leave Grace’s room and slipped inside.  I had to make sure she really was okay. “Hey.”

“Hey,” she sounded drowsy. “Thank you. I feel so much better.”

Oh wow, they must’ve put her on the good drugs. “You’re welcome.”

“Is my dad here? Cuz he hates you.”

“Thanks, G, I’ll keep that in mind.”

She frowned. “Did you call me G?”

“Yeah, I guess I did. You can call me J.”

“Okay-jay,” she said, closing her eyes. “Thanks for making me come here.”

“You said that already.” My gaze fell to the IV needle embedded in her arm. Her skin was already starting to bruise. “Can we at least agree that Olivia is a bitch and possibly the worst person on Earth?”

Grace gave a sleepy scowl. “What about Livia?”

“Pretty sure she’s the one that told on you.”

“Oh. Mebbe I should thank her, too.”

Uh huh, sure. Time to let the crazy girl sleep. “I’ll see you at school, yeah? Feel better.”

“Okay, bye…”

“Bye.” I checked the hallway before making my escape. Didn’t want to run into her angry daddy. The Walkers had congregated around a doctor at the end of the hall. I took the stairs, carefully picking my way from step to step. Look, it’s hard to watch where your high heels are going when there’s a poofy dress in the way.

I reached the ground level and went into the parking garage. There were plenty of people parked, few walking around. Maybe coming down here wasn’t such a bright idea. It took a while to find Dad’s car. I knew it was his because the floor in back was littered with pamphlets from Temperance Baptist. No sign of my father.

I leaned against the side, wondering if sequins could scratch paint. At the moment I was too tired and lonely to care.

My purse started buzzing and I pulled out my phone. A text from Mom. She’d be at the hospital in ten.